Healing People-Pleasing Patterns: Self-Worth, Safety & Energy Healing
When You Keep Showing Up Right for the Wrong People
Who are you trying to show up right for?
Who are you trying to prove your worth to?
…And why?
For years, I found myself bending and shrinking to be “the right one” for someone who never truly showed up for me.
Not because I didn’t know better. Not because I wanted to chase. But because a deeper part of me the little girl who didn’t feel chosen, believed that if I just loved harder, gave more, or became a little more perfect, then maybe I’d finally be the one someone stayed for.
I never consciously wanted to be the other woman. I spoke out loud how much I despised it. Yet somehow, I kept finding myself in the same story different faces, same ache.
I’d be the emotional support, the safe place, the one who remembered their favorite foods special dates and sent the “just checking in” texts… and still, I wasn’t chosen. If it wasn’t another woman, it was the next one after me. And for a long time, I thought that meant something was wrong with me.
Over time, I realized I was pouring energy into people who couldn’t meet me because that pattern was familiar it matched the nervous system’s rhythm I learned in childhood. It wasn’t about rejection. It was about resonance. My energy was attuned to effort, not ease. Healing meant learning how to feel safe in being loved without earning it. This is the core of real emotional healing and nervous system regulation.
The Energetics of Conditional Love
There are a lot of people who have experienced conditional love where connection had to be earned.
If we did the right thing, we received attention. If we didn’t, we were sent away, ignored, or punished.
That kind of love leaves an imprint in the nervous system and the energy field. It trains the body to associate love with effort, worthiness with doing, and safety with people-pleasing. So even when we grow up and say, “I know better,” our energy still carries the old story that love must be proven. This energy usually continues with our actions and then our brain asking why we did something.
This pattern shows up everywhere:
in our relationships, our careers, even in how we speak to ourselves.
It sits in the solar plexus where our confidence lives,
in the throat where we swallowed our truth,
in the gut where we second-guessed our intuition,
and even in the crown where doubt disconnected us from divine trust.
These are the people-pleasing patterns that live in the body. These are survival strategies that used to keep us safe but now keep us from authenticity.
Healing Isn’t Always About Digging — It’s About Allowing
We live in a culture obsessed with “healing the wound.” But true healing isn’t just about endlessly excavating the pain it’s about allowing the expansion that comes when we stop forcing and start feeling safe in growth.
Sometimes the deepest healing is letting yourself not go searching for what’s broken, but instead anchoring into what’s already whole.
There’s power in simply allowing.
Allowing love to flow back toward you.
Allowing rest to be enough.
Allowing yourself to grow in confidence one small moment at a time not in a dramatic breakthrough, but in a steady remembrance of who you are.
That’s what healing self-worth looks like in practice. Giving yourself permission to receive, to soften, and to stop performing for love.
Want to go deeper>? read this - Releasing Control: The Key to Embracing Your True Power and Divine Support
Embodiment Is Messy and Miraculous
The space between realization and embodiment is rarely clean.
It’s rocky. It’s raw. It’s real.
Even after awareness, we still get tested we go back, we repeat, we doubt. But each time we catch ourselves sooner. Each time, we come home to ourselves faster. And that’s how confidence is built not by perfection, but by devotion to your soul to your heart.
This isn’t about never being triggered again. It’s about no longer abandoning yourself when you are.
Healing has taught me that the goal isn’t to be 100% confident every day it’s to be 1% more self-honoring than you were yesterday. That’s how energy shifts and keeps the nervous system “safe”. That’s how worth becomes embodied.
The New Chapter
The new chapter isn’t about proving yourself to anyone. It’s about embodying the frequency of self-love so fully that your energy no longer chases what’s not aligned.
This is what I help my clients experience every day through trauma-informed energy healing the moment when the energy of “not enough” dissolves and their body remembers what it feels like to be whole.
If you’re ready to stop seeking love outside of yourself and start feeling the worth that’s been within you all along this is your invitation to begin.
For more on emotional burnout and energetic overwhelm, read: ‘What Is Energy Healing Therapy?’
✨ Ready to embody this strength already within you - book a private session today!
With Love,
Christin - Your Maui Energy Healer