The Healer’s Hidden Rage: Healing Burnout, Over-Giving, and People-Pleasing Through Emotional Alchemy
the healer’s hidden rage: healing burnout and overgiving as a healer
It’s not anger at others for not “doing the work.”
It’s heartbreak disguised as frustration.
The exhaustion of holding the light while others stay in the dark.
The quiet ache of seeing potential you can’t awaken for someone else.
The shame of wondering if maybe you’re the problem. If maybe you’re not “enlightened enough” to keep doing this without feeling so tired.
This is the hidden rage of the healer.
And beneath that rage lives something tender: love that doesn’t know where to go.
when compassion turns into control
I first noticed it years ago, in subtle ways…
the moments when I felt my body tighten after giving advice that wasn’t taken,
when a client circled the same question for the fifth time,
or when I’d pour out my energy into a friendship that never seemed to reciprocate.
It wasn’t just irritation. It was depletion.
A knot forming between my sacral and solar plexus chakras—the space between empathy and boundaries.
That’s where I begin with my Alignment Codes.
Fire asks: What’s the emotion?
I feel frustration. But underneath frustration is value misalignment. I value freedom—and when I overgive, I trade that freedom for control.
Air asks: What’s the story behind the feeling?
I want to help. I want to be seen as kind, supportive, useful. But when I give more than I receive, resentment brews.
Water asks: What needs to flow differently?
I need to speak. To set a boundary. To let go of what isn’t mine to carry.
Earth asks: How can I ground this knowing into action?
Maybe that’s a conversation, a pause, or an adjustment in how I offer my time.
And finally, Heart asks: Can I return to love?
Because if I set the boundary in resentment, the lesson returns again. But if I do it in love, the cycle completes.
It’s not just about fixing what’s “wrong.”
It’s about remembering why I’m worthy of the boundary in the first place.
when you’re on the receiving end of a healer’s rage
There’s another side of this lesson, when you’re not the one holding the light, but standing in someone else’s fire.
I once experienced what happens when a mentor’s compassion turns into blame.
Promises of unconditional love became public frustration, silence, and avoidance.
What hurt wasn’t just the words, it was the sudden rupture of safety, the energetic severing without closure.
My heart pounded.
My body shook.
I couldn’t breathe.
The panic wasn’t just about what happened, it was my nervous system screaming that something sacred had been broken: trust.
That moment became my greatest teacher. Because instead of matching the projection, I chose to move through it using the Alignment Codes again.
Fire: I acknowledged my anger, grief, and disappointment.
Air: I asked, what am I believing about myself because of this?
Water: I made a plan rooted in integrity—action that came from truth, not revenge.
Earth: I took the steps needed to protect myself physically and energetically.
Heart: I released her with love, even if the love wasn’t returned.
The alchemy was complete when I realized:
she wasn’t my lesson—I was my own.
I had been seeking validation from her that I hadn’t yet given myself.
And in her reaction, I saw my own shadow reflected back.
the anatomy of shame
Shame is sneaky. It hides beneath the exhaustion.
When we overgive, it’s rarely pure generosity, it’s often a quiet plea to be enough.
We give more because we’re afraid we’re not doing enough.
We lower our prices because we doubt our worth.
We avoid raising our boundaries because we don’t want to seem “too much.”
That shame lives in the body. It ripples through the solar plexus (confidence), the sacral (creativity and worth), and the root (safety and stability). It clouds the third eye, blurring our vision. It tightens the heart, closing us off to receiving.
And slowly, the very light we once held begins to flicker.
If people-pleasing and energetic over-responsibility sound familiar, you’ll also resonate with Spiritual Boundaries Without Guilt.
alchemizing the rage
Healing the healer’s rage isn’t about suppressing it … it’s about understanding it.
Your anger shows you where your love has nowhere to go.
Your frustration shows you where your energy is leaking.
Your shame shows you where you’ve forgotten your worth.
True service isn’t self-sacrifice.
It’s the balance between giving and honoring your own energy flow.
There are times when I’ve followed a nudge to offer healing freely because love asked me to, not guilt. Those moments always come full circle. Gratitude returns, abundance flows.
But when I’ve given from fear, hoping someone will see me, validate me, or promote me it’s always led to depletion.
The difference isn’t in the act. It’s in the intention.
If your giving comes from love, it expands you.
If it comes from lack, it drains you.
laying down the torch without losing your light
There will be days when even the light feels heavy.
When you’re tired of being the strong one.
When compassion feels like a burden, not a blessing.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing as a healer.
It means you’re human.
You can lay down the torch and still be light.
You can rest and still be radiant.
You can release others’ lessons and still walk your own with grace.
The truth is: the only person you can control is you.
The only energy you’re meant to manage is your own.
And when you stop trying to carry everyone else’s awakening, you finally make space for your own expansion.
If you’re feeling that ache too—the exhaustion, the shame, the burnout—you don’t have to hold it alone.
This is the work I guide others through in my Alignment Codes and 1:1 Energy Healing sessions. Feel free to check out the reviews that I have received from my clients. This transformation is possible for YOU too! Together, we move through the emotions in your body, find the root cause, and help you reclaim your energy, boundaries, and self-worth.
Because healing others begins with healing yourself.
With Love,
Christin - Your West Maui Energy Healer